Hello Fellow Parent, I have some great news!
This Hechinger Report story describes a trend colleges might not want applicants to notice: It’s becoming easier to get in. What does this mean for your child applying to college? That depends on your point of view.
No matter where you are in the college admissions process, this is your moment to decide how this stage in your parenting journey is going to go.
On one hand, we can choose to see colleges and universities for the businesses they are. Note the fancy new gymnasium complexes with lazy rivers and advertisements flooding mailboxes and inboxes to court your child and your money. Colleges need our buy-in to continue functioning, and/or to keep growing in either size or prestige. This is not evil or unfair. It’s straightforward capitalism where the consumer is the one in control (that means you have all the power) over whether we purchase the goods colleges are peddling.
On the other hand, we can choose to see colleges as the gatekeepers of all that is good in the world. From this point of view, our kids are not so much applicants as supplicants. This puts pressure on you, as a successful parent, to make sure your child arrives on the threshold of the pearly college gates of the “right” college armed with the perfect resume and application as a ticket to entrance. If your kid has her heart set on a college with under a 10% acceptance rate, there are 33 of those “right” colleges, and hundreds of thousands of students applying. Oh, and according to the article linked above, the student will need to apply early decision for better odds of admission (and no chance for you to compare financial aid offers). From this viewpoint, the college is the one in control.
It’s good for colleges’ business if you choose to be a believer of the hyped-up narrative surrounding these 33 colleges. It’s better for the mental health of both you and your child, as well as your relationship moving forward, to choose to ignore the barrage of headlines, sparkly brochures, and others’ anxiety flooding your way, which is impossible.
I empathize so much it hurts my heart. You’d have to be a robot not to let societal pressure sink in a little bit with thoughts of I should’ve been more on top of this. Now I’m late, and I’d better push my child to sign up for this or that prestigious-looking program, and start a new school club pronto, and why did I let her quit gymnastics, when she could be a contender for the Olympics by now to help her get into college?
That, my friend, is your Inner Troll (we all have one) sneaking into your brain and lying through its teeth. It’s time for our monthly Sanity Saver—adapted from one I’m including for your kid in my upcoming book, COLLEGE ESSAY CONFIDENCE—to invoke your Inner Superhero (we all have one of those, too) to save the day.
Sanity Saver
INVOKE YOUR INNER SUPERHERO IN 2 MINUTES
Harvard social psychology professor and best-selling author Dr. Amy Cuddy wrote a whole book about the practical benefits of this empowerment tool.
- Stand (literally, stand up).
- Strike a pose like a superhero with perfect posture, legs firmly planted on the floor, fists on hips, and an expression that says, “Do not mess with me. I will prevail!”
- Hold that position until your Inner Superhero takes over your body and mind and you feel your power. (Go ahead and try it. No one’s watching.)
When you sit back down again, either you feel the power of the sun radiating within you, or your sense of humor is back from the precipice of college admissions anxiety. Either way, the exercise worked!
Just because your kid is wonderful, has worked hard, and has his heart set on admission to one of those 33 most highly selective colleges, it does not mean that you are supporting him if you go along with the narrative that if he doesn’t get into one of them his life will be over. (Remember when he needed that toy that everyone else had or his life would be over?) On the contrary, the more chill you can achieve, the more you will model for your kid that entrance into those pearly college gates is not the thing that will define him. He is enough just the way he is.
Warmly,
Jill
