Hello Fellow Parent, and Welcome!
We know stress in times of uncertainty is universal.
If you feel anxious when you watch the news, trying to figure out how dismantling the Department of Education, cutting colleges’ research funding, and compliance with new government policies will affect your kid, you are not alone. Nobody can know where the rapid-fire changes we’re hearing about in the national news will lead. Speculation breeds anxiety. I prefer to focus on what’s in our control to relieve stress, as opposed to focusing on what we do not know (a black box that leads toward feelings of helplessness or panic).
We know this time of year high school juniors begin researching colleges in earnest.
Every year, a critical mass of juniors and their parents tell me that their high school is not providing much (if any) college counseling support. While it’s true that high school counselors are busy and most are overloaded, the vast majority of guidance counselors I’ve encountered over the years have proven to be very valuable resources for students and their families.
If your child complains about getting no help from the high school (or they’ve heard the school’s counselors “suck”), the first question to ask is, Have you tried to get help? Follow up with Have you approached your counselor during office hours or after school, attempted to set up an appointment, or checked your email inbox for counselor communications about college admissions? Please give the school counselor a chance to help.
We know this time of year high school seniors decide which college they’ll attend.
Most college notifications have been released by April Fool’s Day. If your child is a senior, the final college decision is now in their hands. As with everything in parenting, there are no rules about your participation in this decision. Some kids need parent support, and some kids need parents to back off as they make their college choice.
One thing is for sure: no kid needs parental pressure at this pivotal moment in their life. Believe me, seniors are putting enough pressure on themselves right now. The lesson while making the college decision is not about the outcome as much as it’s about learning to make a high stakes decision with perspective and grace because this is only the first big life decision your kid will make.
We know paying for college is a big ouch for anyone.
Navigating the financial realities of a college education for our children is the biggest stressor for most families. Use the financial aid calculators on every college website your child is considering. If you have a junior, at least you’ll end up with an estimate. If you have a senior, you may have leverage to say, Hey, your calculator gave me a wildly different number than your financial aid office is offering. Can you please adjust it closer to that calculator’s amount? Don’t shy away from “appealing” a financial aid offer that feels insufficient for you. The college might say no, but it’s worth a try to ask for more. Use advice in College Admissions Cracked to assess affordability and navigate difficult conversations about finances with your teen.
We know every stage of parenting brings up more questions than answers.
Parenting a young adult is no exception. Which questions you ask can help or hinder any conversation with a teen.
When it comes to college admissions, questioning seniors Where did you get into college? or asking juniors Where are you applying? is a recipe for stress. These where questions make kids feel out of control, as if the college is in charge, not them, a horrible feeling (and a reason the stock market is so unstable at this writing).
After many years of working with other people’s children, I’ve learned that “what” questions work out better for empowerment, confidence, and parent-child relationships than “where” questions.
What do you want out of college and life?
What can I do to help you?
What is your heart telling you?
Sanity Saver
We know the college admissions process causes stress, overwhelm, and pain for many, but it’s also profound. This song is so real that it may break your heart as it reminds you what it takes to be the amazing parent I know you are.
Godspeed as you navigate the month ahead with its soul-searching, decisions, and inevitable uncertainty. All the gray areas you’ve dealt with at every stage of parenting have uniquely prepared you to handle any surprises thrust your way by college notifications, financial aid offers, or national policy decisions. I have faith that you and your kid have got this.
Warmly,
Jill
